The time had come for me to leave those loving arms of God and proceed with my life. The first question is, “Am I really ready?” Have you guessed that my heart-break was the passing of my beautiful Golden Retriever, Nikki? She was so young, loving, fun, and the joy of my life. When she passed away in 2012, she took my heart with her.
We have all heard about the stages of grief. There are several stages but the ones that really come to mind are the denial, anger, and finally the acceptance and release of her death. Remember when In October, 2011, my girl was diagnosed with lymphoma and not expected to live more than a couple of months. I just couldn’t believe it. I was shocked and stunned. I just knew, in my heart, that God would save her. I’m an Herbalist, after all. I knew I could reverse the cancer with natural means and God on my side. I just knew she was supposed to live, she was too young. Nikki was so patient and let me push pills down her throat every day; but I still lost the battle in the end. What was wrong with God, why didn’t He do something?
The next stage for me was the anger. How could God let her die in such a manner? Didn’t He love her as He loves me? Then, I realized towards the end of her time that I was angry at her. How dare she leave me all alone? What would I ever do without her? During her illness and after her death, I became almost a recluse and didn’t want to be around anyone. I wanted to just dwell in my sorrow. At that moment God reached down in the depth of my sadness and held me tight. When I was strong enough, He lead me back towards the light in my life.
He gave me this verse to encourage me and to show me it was time to get connected again. The Word says, “If you’ll hold on to me for dear life,” says God, “I’ll get you out of any trouble. I’ll give you the best of care if you’ll only get to know and trust me. Call me and I’ll answer, be at your side in bad times; I’ll rescue you, then throw you a party.”
I know that Nikki’s passing devastated me emotionally for a long time; but not every death I have experienced was that intense. Does that mean I didn’t love the person enough to grieve like that? I believe that grief can be different for every situation. It doesn’t mean you love them less; it just is different. The thing, dear reader, is to never let guilt in. That is satan’s tool to try and make you continually feel depressed and trapped. Don’t forget that God will carry you until you are ready to go out on your own. If you ask Him, He will never leave your side and He is also planning a party for you and I. It’s time to release the grief and let’s go to His glorious party. See you there!
Psalm 91:14-15 (The Message)